Luna de Miel, Day Five

Wakeup. Husband tells me he doesn't want breakfast. This should have been the first sign. He ALWAYS wants breakfast. We travel up the hill to the old part of town to see the palace and the cathedral. Largely uneventful, but the view from the top of the rock where the palace sits is really breathtaking.

Chris wants Starbucks. We settle for a cafe with faded green leather barstools with German customers drinking Heineken at 10:30 in the morning. We walk to find the post office, outside of which, a wedding is about to take place in a nearby church. Getaway car, decorated with white lillies, is a vintage Alfa Romeo convertible. Slightly different than a yellow cab. Wife comments that the bride looks like a child. Husband says something about people in glass houses - wife largely ignores him.

We next visit the cathedral, which is lovely, and also unbeknownst to us, contains the remains of Grace Kelly. We decide to leave old town and make our way back down the hill. Happen upon changing of the guard at the palace, and husband and wife agree on general absurdity of Monagasque army. Husband has now been silent for almost thirty minutes. Wife senses and husband confirms illness. Lunch at the Dauphin Vert where a toothless woman with warts serves us a veggie burger and hamburger. She only speaks French, but the nice couple next to us translates. Couple on the other side both order whole stuffed fish, which arrive complete with fishy heads. Seems odd for lunch, especially at a casual cafe whose nickname is Fredy's, but c'est la vie. Onto casino area for purchase of tie for dinner. Hermes is closed and we have to go back to the non-glam mall. Blue tie in hand, we exit the mall and fortune smiles upon the weary and we find that there is a cab stand right outside the mall (taxis in Monaco are surprisingly hard to get). Husband is clearly MISERABLE at this point. He lays down in hotel room, while wife goes on search of medicine and some saltine crackers. No luck with English speakers at the pharmacy, but luckily there is a universal gesture to convey "nausea," and wife quickly exits with the proper medicine in hand. Off to grocery store next where wife learns that the French don't eat saltine crackers. Get the blandest looking crackers available, which happen to be gluten-free. These were the only non cheese or chocolate flavored crackers wife could find. Arrives back to hotel to find husband still breathing, if only that. Husband asks if sickness and health were mentioned in their vows. Wife says not explicitly. Husband vows to be better by Louis XV reservation that evening. Husband is clearly not better, but despite wife's assurances that she won't hate him, puts on his suit and his "I can breath without barfing face" and the happy couple heads to Louis XV. Gorgeous room, outstanding blanc de blancs. 2002 Charmes Chambertin. Husband insists on tasting menu. First course is a raw vegetable salad with this amazing green sauce - wife eats celery root and radishes, two vegetables she can normally do without. Uh oh, thinks wife. Second course is cold seafood. This isn't going to be pretty. Husband turns color of aforementioned green sauce. Wife suggests he take some air. Captain is consulted and suggests that he shorten the dinner, as, when he is ill, he prefers sleep to food. Rice with mushrooms (AMAZING) served and husband tries and fails to swallow more than one bite. Since sea bass was already fired, wife tells captain that it will be their last course. Wife has cheese course of an Irish cheddar, a comte and an Andalucian sheep's milk option.

Wife loves husband. She can't believe he did this for her. She thinks he's stupid for doing it, but can't express how much she appreciated the effort.